Looking back on the past 2+ years with Ben & Maddie, I've given some thought to the various things we've done as parents that have worked or not worked; lessons we've learned (often the hard way), etc. So I thought I'd share....
1) Consistency is key. You will feel like you're doing the same thing over and over and over, but that's what babies and toddlers crave. They feel more secure if they know what's coming next (especially when they become toddlers). Having days filled with running errands and going to other people's houses is crazy insane for a baby or toddler and too much stimulation. Babies, especially, love being in the same place all the time, doing the same things they did yesterday. Toddlers are a bit more open to doing new/different things.
2) Start some good practices right away when they are babies. Don't think that you can do something now and then change it later without it being a major hassle. Some examples: put them to sleep in their crib right away on the first day home from the hospital so you don't have to re-train them later how to sleep alone; rocking them to sleep is another example...if they get used to you rocking them to sleep, they won't learn how to fall asleep on their own; add a little variety to bedtime routine in terms of which parent (or other person) is in the room so that they don't become dependent on one single person to always do bedtime routine.
3) Use pacifiers only as a last resort. Try some other soothing methods first. We loved the recommendations in "Happiest baby on the block." There's also a music CD with soothing sounds (including one that sounds like the womb) that we found to be extremely effective at soothing the babies and helping them fall asleep. We ended up ditching the pacifiers altogether at 3 months and are so thrilled to not have to "fight" with a toddler to take it away (like so many of our friends have had to do)
4) Naps are sacred, especially for the first 2 years (but also up to age 3). I think the only thing that should trump a nap would be a trip to the emergency room. Otherwise, do whatever it takes to make sure the baby is down for his or her nap(s) at the same time everyday.
5) Sleep training is awesome. There are lots of books out there on how to "train" your baby to sleep better. We used "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and I was truly amazed by how well it worked. That book was dead on right. Every time we encountered some weird sleeping problems, we looked in the book and found the perfect solution. Make sure to find one of these books and read it before you hit the 4-month mark. Right around 4 or 5 months is when you need to be doing the first sleep training (unless baby is a preemie, then it might be later).
6) Babies and toddlers have a strange reaction to being overtired. They actually sleep less. They will take a long time falling asleep and/or wake up earlier than usual. The solution to this is to put them to bed earlier than usual -- 15 or 30 minutes earlier. It's quite amazing how well this trick works. Do that for a couple nights and baby will be back to normal and you can go back to normal schedule. (this also works great for when the time comes to change sleeping schedules -- like switching to two naps a day or one nap a day, etc. Or if the child has been sick and doesn't sleep well at night)
7) Schedules are a necessity, and it should be your schedule, not determined by the baby. Over the months, you will change this schedule (when they eat, when they sleep, etc), but there should always be a schedule. Nap times should be at the same time every day; bedtimes at the same time. (This goes hand in hand with the consistency thing). Changing your schedule when it's necessary will be some extra work for you (and most likely extra crying and unhappiness for baby) but it will sort itself out in a matter of days as long as you stick to your guns and not try to revert back to the old schedule thinking that will make the baby happier. The big change points tend to be around 4 or 5 months -- when they settle into a two-nap per day routine -- and then sometime between 6 and 10 months when they are eating solid foods three times a day and then again around 14-16 months when they go down to one nap per day. There will be another when they ditch the nap altogether (sometime between 2 1/2 and 4 years old)
8) Start teaching patience around their 1st birthday (if not a little earlier). When they are whining or asking for something and you are busy doing something else, say "yes, momma will get you that in just one minute." And then try to get to it as quickly as you can -- but not immediately. The younger they are, the shorter this time needs to be. But as they get older you can stretch it out. Rule of thumb is by their age. So a 1 year old can wait 1 minute, a 2-yr old can wait 2 minutes. If you start teaching patience early, it will pay off when they are toddlers and can be much louder and annoying in trying to get your attention.
9) Teach some sign language. We started when they were six months old probably. By their first birthday, they were proficient in at least a few key signs that made life way, way easier for those months before they could talk. The key ones that helped us were "more", "all done", "mommy", "daddy", "milk", "bath".
